Galen, you are a totally famous guy. I know a bunch of totally famous guys, but you’re probably way more of a rockstar than Knoxville is. What’s the coolest part about being a rock star?
I don’t know, Knoxville’s pretty rockstar. Uh, the coolest part is probably gonna make me sound like a total cupcake, but that shit’s not news: It’s probably knowing that if I died tomorrow, I’d have at least made a difference. It makes me feel pretty good. I think in a totally smug way, the other cool part is knowing that I’ve done more in twenty-eight years than a lot of people have done in their lives. And now I sound like a jackass, so that evens things out.
I don’t have any weird nicknames for you like I do for Chris. That’s probably something we should change. I was going to call you GALENFAIS, but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to do that because I don’t really have fourth-wall breaking privileges. Should I just professionally start referring to you as OOH MISTER HOWARD? Or will you be like, “Please, Mister Howard is my father”?
Remember the first time we talked, and you called me Piggle, and I was like “the fuck”?
Anyway, I’m cool with Galenfais, I guess; fuck the fourth wall. You can only call me OOH MISTER HOWARD if you say it in that OOOOH MISTER HOWARD voice, cuz otherwise, yeah, Mister Howard is my dad. I’m older than you, but gawd, not that old. (Sorry dad.)
Speaking of your dad, usually I only like to freak Chris out with weird shit like that, but you look enough like Chris that maybe I’m just getting confused. Does your dad really not want to date me? Doesn’t he think I’d be a perfect stepmother to you?
I’m sure that if dad wasn’t sweet on the old girl down the street, he’d be way more into the Silver Fox thing. It’s too bad; then me and Chris would be brothers, and you’d be my stepmom and my sister, and my dad would be my brother-in-law, and we would totally get a show on TLC! I gotta ask dad why he’s being so selfish with this whole “she’s young enough to be your younger sister” thing. Jeez.
Tell me a story about how weird your dreams are. Don’t forget to cite your sources.
The only person who knows how weird my dreams are better than you is Chris. Source: me. But here’s a story anyway: One time I went to bed, fell asleep, and hung out with my identical twin from another universe, who was also a guy who was dreaming, but it was like we’d already been friends for a while, which is whaaaat? And then there were dogs and a house and a photo album full of nyooods that definitely weren’t mine. Two mental breakdowns later, we woke up. The next night, we had creepertea with a creepmare. The end. Tip your waiter.
How do YOU feel about being Jack White’s sister, Meg? Chris won’t ever answer that question.
Man, I’m - we are, I guess? - way prettier than Meg White. I’m just saying. And I don’t even like my face, most of the time.
What’s your favourite song to sing?
Curveball, much! Uhh… fuck. Of songs that aren’t ours, I’d call it a tie between Desolation Row, and Sometime Around Midnight — that one’s by the Airborne Toxic Event. Mikel Jollett shovels so much emotion on that song, so singing it is like challenging myself to match what he did. It’s a pretty fucking awesome feeling, when you get into it. The song’s depressing as hell, though. Oh, and the Sound of Silence, just cuz it’s one of those songs I’ve been singing for like… ever. It’s my favorite.
Out of the Counter-Curse arsenal… not even gonna lie, I can’t give you that info, and it’s totally not because some people have only named like, two songs out of three entire albums’ worth. But it’s a fucking good song, vocally, whatever it is.
Since your dad didn’t seem to accept my advances, in ten words or less, could you maybe pass my number along to Brad? Why or why not? Be specific.
I’d totally do it, but it’s your funeral. — I’m actually torn between thinking you guys would hit it off, or that he’d drive you crazy. You’re two special kinds of special, and I think I foresee some Goof Highlander shit going down.
He seems really fun and, right now, my twin boyfriends are NOT fun. Have you ever dated twins? I don’t reccomend it.
You’re dating twins? Dayum. Are they identical? I don’t think I could handle that. I can’t even handle dating one person - behold my lengthy and impressive romantic history, cue crickets - so I’d probably spend the entire like… day, because that’s how long it’d last, worrying about which one is which.
So yeah, no twins on my to-do list, thanks.
When you’re magic, what kind of magic can/do you do?
I guess I’m pretty well-rounded, since that’s sorta required of the kinda position I’m in? But my main thing, or one of them, had a lot to do with vocal persuasion. Hence, the other reason for the throat shit. Good times. I don’t know, man, on the whole it’s just some darker shit, because even though I feel like it’s real when I’m that me, it’s still a dream, so it’s a reflection of some psychological bullshit, blah blah blah. Anyway, I guess that even with my voice gone, I’m still pretty good at using my magic for psychological fuckery on some oppressed outsiders who only want their voices heard. Y’know, like a total douchefuck.
If you and Chris could rockstar team up and do a song together, what would you sing?
The Armadillo song. Cuz duh. (Or I’d make him stop hating Face-Prime long enough for us to borrow that Destroya song, because fuck yes. I won’t even make him do the sex moans. It’d be awesome.)
I’d go with “Light My Candle” from Rent, if I were you guys. Chris could be Mimi since he usually sucks harder than you do.
Aw, thanks. Fuck, I’m imagining this. Why am I imagining this?
Man, wouldn’t it be funny if you and Chris decided to switch places and girls expected him to kiss them and you were like HA HA I’M GONNA DO BRIAN, then let me take pictures and give them to Chris?
…Maybe it’s just me.
Aside from the porn with Brian part, that would be fucking hilarious. Nothing against Brian; he’s a pretty attractive guy, but that’s just about every kind of awkward. Brian would probably figure me out the second he saw me, anyway.
Okay, and finally, who do you think would win in a fight: Hush or Jareth?
I know jack shit about Jareth outside the movie, but he seemed pretty easy to beat. Hush… yeaaaah, my gut’s telling me to go with Hush, since he vibes me as the bigger piece of shit. I can’t even say I’d wanna watch this fight.
Thanks for the questions, guuuuuurl.